I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
