just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
