Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
