don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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