I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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