I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize