too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
