Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
