Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
