dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
