Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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