She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
