oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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