Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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