Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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