He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
