mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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