Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
