I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
