Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
