Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
