i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
