Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
