My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
