Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
