I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
