Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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