He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
