i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize