Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
