Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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