I'm lost and stupid without you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What drink are we having for lunch?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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