Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
