This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize