last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
