lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
