And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
