Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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