I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
