Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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