You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
