I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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