i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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