I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I could fuck to npr.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
