Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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