Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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