In the future we'll all be gay
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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