I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
