i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
