WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
