You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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