my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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