i think my mom watched the whole time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize