ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
