Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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