Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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