dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
