jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize