Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
