Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
