Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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