are you still at the devil's house?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize