he puts the penis in happiness.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
