Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
