she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
