I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
