I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
