My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
