fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
