We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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