I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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