You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am available for nakedness
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
