I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Send help, water and tortillas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize