at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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