That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
