just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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