Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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