so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
