We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize