Don't you send me to vm
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
