I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
