take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
