Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
