You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
