He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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