Kiss
Puke
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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