Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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