we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
