Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
