Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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