You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
