I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
