so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
