How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Randomize
