After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
