Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
