Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
