i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mom said you looked used
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
