he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
