My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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