Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
