after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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