i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
