turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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