You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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