There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize