Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
