why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
