I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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