Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
