oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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