I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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