Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my being single is dangerous.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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